WC: 1,694
Carmen Aguja is not someone to coast through life. She’s been working hard for as long as she can remember. Working hard at school, at college, at life.
Born of two who ultimately didn’t want or couldn’t handle her, Carmen aged out of the system at 18 and immediately rushed into college. She needed something to do to bring her up higher and past that part of her life.
Being the kid who kept getting returned family after family for “anger issues” wasn’t the most lavish status to have, after all.
The piddling amount of money she had saved by doing part time jobs was barely enough to pay for two month’s rent, but that was okay. She would just have to find some odd jobs around the place or something. Maybe be a cashier again. It was details.
See, it wasn’t that Carmen was a perfectionist. No, she was far from it. All she needed to do was prove that the work she was doing could be done by her. All she needed was a passing grade and she would be happy.
There was just one problem: life was not too fond of handing out passing grades.
So, Carmen lives and breathes the grindset. For the longest time, her life is all work and no play. She’s not even upset about it either.
Not because she didn’t want to be upset. But because she didn’t even consider being upset an option.
It’s not until one day at college when Carmen spots a lost looking student on her way to her next class do things change.
Quinn Woods, though not a Woods at the time, would quickly become a highlight of Carmen’s day. It seemed every time she saw them, they had found a new way to become lost.
Honestly? It was refreshing. As it turns out, helping someone else feels so much better than just helping yourself.
So, Carmen helped her way into one of the first and best friendships she’d ever had.
Things were finally brightening in Carmen’s life. Things got lighter, easier with Quinn around. Being with them was like the sun in the wintertime. Ice cream on a hot day.
Someone where there was no one.
Not to mention the fact that when she was around them, Carmen’s heart would pound and she’d get all giggly and butterflies would fill her stomach and…
Oh.
Carmen was in love with Quinn.
It was a heavy realization, especially since Carmen didn’t even know she liked women at the time. But it was one she accepted with open arms.
Besides, it wasn’t like Quinn was taken or anything. She was allowed to have feelings for her friend.
…Right?
Carmen struggles with this question for months, fighting for both sides. What if Quinn thought she was awful and weird when they found out? No, they wouldn’t do that. What if they ended their friendship right then and there? No, Quinn’s not the type of person to just up and leave someone like that.
What if?
No.
What if?
No.
It was an endless cycle. For every what if there was a no. For every no there was a what if. It was honestly starting to drive Carmen a little insane.
And then one day, it suddenly doesn’t matter anymore.
Quinn starts and then never stops talking about this guy named Mackerel. The weird vampire looking guy at school. Carmen never really liked him for whatever reason. It was like he gave off bad vibes just by looking at him.
But now here was her best friend, smitten with the guy.
Carmen supports them of course. What kind of friend would she be if she didn’t?
She’s always there for Quinn. Even when their conversations get more and more infrequent. And when she wants to spend time with them but they’ve already got plans with Mack. And Carmen was starting to become alone again.
But it didn’t last long.
One lonely night in the library, one of the helpers had come over and dropped off a book in front of her. “I think you dropped this,” he had said with a wink, keeping it moving afterward. When Carmen opened the book, confused, a small piece of paper slipped out. She blinks, picks it up and reads it.
It reads:
“I see you around here a lot. And you always look so bored. So I thought maybe I’d offer you to get a smoothie or something sometime? Here’s my number, feel free to call if you want. Or don’t. If you don’t call by Sunday I’ll just assume this was a lame way to get to know you and move on with my life, but I’d really prefer not to do that.
(P.S.
You are very pretty. Just so you know.)”
Underneath the nicely scribbled words is a number.
In the middle of the biggest bout of stress Carmen has known yet, she reads the note over and over and over.
And falls for it immediately.
She and Steve Boxx, as she would soon find out was the mystery man’s name, end up going out for smoothies the very next day. And then they do it again the next day. And even though it’s Monday the next, they go after school and before they both have work.
Suddenly Carmen has this new person in her life that’s starting to make things colorful like Quinn once had. Not that Quinn didn’t still light up her life, but it was hard ever getting to see them recently. So when she couldn’t be with Quinn, she was with Steve, and together the two of them made it work.
Eventually Carmen finds better jobs. Every one after the other pays at least a penny more than the last. But it wasn’t like it mattered much.
Everytime she would start getting paid enough to actually have a surplus of money, she’d conveniently be fired for some reason.
Everytime.
Without fail.
It was like a horseshoe was permanently above her head, collecting luck, until it had collected too much and flipped upside down.
It was beyond frustrating, but if that’s what fate had in store for her, well then she would just have to deal with it.
+++
Eventually, Carmen had gotten her Bachelor’s and was starting to show. She and Steve had moved in a while ago, and what with them both being new and excited to be in a relationship, some steps had been skipped at certain points.
…Which was a long way of saying Carmen was pregnant with her first child, and was yet to tell the father.
She was terrified. The thought of telling him made her sick to her stomach.
They had never talked about the concept of children before, so Carmen had no idea how Steve would react. What if he lashed out and hurt her or the baby? What if he left immediately? What if she would be left alone with a baby and no extra help or support?
No, she finally thinks one day. Steve wouldn’t do that. We’re too close. Even if he doesn’t like it, he won’t do anything bad.
So, taking a deep breath one night, Carmen tells Steve.
The next morning, she wakes up to an empty bed, a note and a check.
The note reads:
“I can’t have a child. I’m so sorry.
Please take this as an apology. I deeply hope it will support you for some time to come.
I’ll come by later around 3 to get my things. Please don’t be here for a couple hours.
Thanks for the time we had, Carmen. Truly.
Steve”
Carmen shakes as she puts the note down and picks up the check.
It has an obscenely large number on it. 350 thousand to be exact.
It’s enough to get a new house. It’s enough to get new furniture. It’s enough to hold her and her child up for a while yet.
But it’s hollow.
Her kid would never know their father, and Carmen just suddenly became a single mother.
Great.
+++
Carmen moves into a new place in Queens, getting as far away as she can from her original residence. There she becomes closer and closer with Quinn again, and life doesn’t seem so bad. Even with a brand new kid who was so, so loud and so, so needy at all times of the day.
But she loved him. She loved her little Brandon more than she could ever say.
And when baby Brandon had baby Paige to play with, things were finally starting to feel like they were falling into place.
Even though Quinn had to come over so much because of her horrid husband and not because they simply wanted to, Carmen was always happy to be around them. The idea would sometimes weigh on her though, the fact that Quinn was forced to come over instead of being free to come and go as they wished, but she tried not to dwell on it.
Then one day, Mack is dead.
It’s the first time Carmen sees Quinn smile genuinely in years.
+++
Now with a child and a loving… friend and their child, Carmen sits comfortably enough to start an Etsy shop of her own, making a myriad of different soaps to sell. It pays decently, with several people even coming back to buy again and again. But most importantly, the process is serene to Carmen, and she loves doing it.
She and Brandon are still mostly coasting on the money Steve left though. That and the random hundreds she would find laying around the house that she knew were from Quinn, but for now refused to say anything about. If it became too frequent maybe, but for right now, Carmen would not say no to some extra money.
Quinn comes over a lot now. Because they actually want to this time too. Paige and Brandon are best friends. Carmen has people in her life who she’d never want to lose, and never plans on leaving.
She’s so happy now… but also kind of worried.
The horseshoe was filling, after all.
When would it flip upside down again?