WC: 2,586
“Hello. Thank you for coming out to meet me.” Sue greets at two different times.
“Sure man,” says Brandon at 12 pm.
“You’re paying me for this,” Nick says flippantly at 4 pm.
Sue has the two of them at the park near Ingenious High, sitting at the chess tables. They would be here at the same time, but that would just complicate matters.
You see, Sue was on a mission today. A mission that could not go south.
“You know why you’re here, correct?” they ask, opening up the documents they would need on the laptop they had brought with them.
The two teens nod in their respective times.
“Great. Then let’s get to it.”
+++
“Okay, let’s start this out easy,” Sue starts, looking at their spread of questions, “Brandon, how did you and Nick meet?”
“Ugh,” Brandon groans. “It was the tail end of middle school.” He smirks humorlessly. “Awful place to start, but you know. Anyways, we just kinda bumped into each other in the hall one day, I guess.”
+++
“He was fighting this one guy, right?” Nick recounts, “And he was like wham!” He thrusts his fist in the air. “Total uppercut! It was cool as fuck.”
Sue types that down, along with the discrepancy between the two responses. “And then?” they prompt.
“Well, you don’t see a guy punch the shit out of someone in middle school and not go up to greet them, am I right?”
“Sure.”
“Anyways, like I was saying…”
+++
“It was really nothing special,” Brandon waves off.
++
“I thought he was so fuckin’ cool at the time,” Nick laughs. “Far cry from now, that’s for sure.”
“Hm.” Sue types this down as well. “Well, that leads perfectly into my next question. How would you describe your relationship with Brandon before you got together?”
+++
“My relationship with Nick…” Brandon sighs, almost wistfully. “It was… tumultuous, I think is the best word to describe it.”
“Big word,” Sue comments.
“It was a big thing,” Brandon shrugs. “You know Nick. There’s nothing small about him.”
“His brain, maybe,” Sue jokes.
Brandon laughs. “Now that would be something we would fight about.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know Nick doesn’t take insults well,” Brandon huffs. “Especially when he can’t tell whether it’s playful or not.”
+++
“He was cool until he wasn’t,” Nick pouts, rolling his eyes. “Mean as fuck in middle school. And then in freshman year it was like he’d done a 180 or some shit.” He looks to the side. “I thought it was nice that he was nice now, though. It felt like I could finally talk to him.”
“You didn’t talk in middle school?” Sue asks, quirking an eyebrow.
“Oh, fuck no,” Nick laughs. “I wasn’t trying to get my ass beat by that little menace.”
“Menace?”
“Brandon fought any and everyone back in the day.” Nick raises an eyebrow of his own. “I thought you’d know that.”
“Oh, I did,” Sue nods. “Just thought I’d ask what you meant by that specifically.”
“Not much more to say. He was an asshole. But he was a cool asshole.”
“So when did you two become friends?” Sue asks.
“Eh,” Nick mumbles. “It was less like being friends and more like we just… I don’t know. We basically started in the dating phase, I guess.”
+++
“So what happened that led to you two becoming a couple?” Sue asks.
“Unfortunate circumstances,” Brandon chuckles.
“Like?”
“He talked to me one day and told me how cool he thought I was.” The teen waves his hands in the air to punctuate his point. “I was like, better from middle school by then. But my damn ego…” He laughs a bit. “He caught me on a bad day, basically.”
“Bad day?”
“I was feeling myself,” Brandon explains. “I remember being like, wow, I’m sooo awesome. Don’t remember why, but that’s how it was. So when Nick came up and was like, ohhh my goddd, I remember that one time in middle school you beat up that guy, it was like fire to wood.” He sighs. “I wasn’t really… entirely better from middle school, I guess.”
+++
“I walked right up to him and basically threw myself all over him,” Nick laughs openly. “Honestly, now that I think of it, it was so stupid.”
“Why did you do it in the first place then?”
“Oh, I had a crush on him since the second I saw him throw that punch,” Nick says nonchalantly. “I thought about him doing that to someone for me and…” He clamps his mouth shut. “That doesn’t matter.”
“No, go on,” Sue smiles sweetly.
“You’re paying me more than just 20 dollars for this,” Nick squints.
“Money is no issue,” Sue assures. “Now, you were imagining Brandon being the hero to your damsel in distress…”
“I did not fucking say that,” Nick protests.
Sue giggles.
+++
“But yeah,” Brandon shrugs. “We kind of hit it off right away. He fed my ego and I fed his. It was like that snake thingy.”
“Snake thingy?” Sue repeats, confused.
“You know. The one that eats itself.”
“The ouroboros,” Sue supplies.
“Yeah, that thing.” Brandon leans back in his stone chair. “It was probably obvious to anyone who knew us both it wasn’t gonna end well. We were both too big for our britches or whatever that phrase is.”
+++
“So it was just a matter of right place, right time, right day?”
“Basically,” Nick shrugs.
Sue types. “Alright. Well, how was the relationship itself?”
“Oh, god,” Nick chuckles. “We were fuckin’ awful for each other.”
+++
Brandon groans. “Even though we were like, in this weird honeymoon phase from day one, we fought constantly.”
“Can you tell me why?” Sue asks, tapping at their keyboard.
“Oh, because we were a match made in hell,” Brandon answers simply.
+++
“It was like, everything he thought, I thought the opposite. And the other way around.” Nick crosses his arms. “Even when I was objectively right, he would be like, oooh nooo, it’s groupies not boobies!”
Sue stops typing. “...What?” they ask, completely unprepared for that statement.
+++
“Oh my god, that reminds me,” Brandon laughs. “There was this one stupid song we almost broke up over.”
“Do you remember which song?”
“I haven’t heard it in forever,” Brandon shrugs. “I barely even remember the tune. All I remember is that we fought over this one set of lyrics.”
“And you don’t remember those either?” Sue asks, preparing to search for the song regardless.
Brandon shakes his head, though. “Nope. I just remember it was so stupid.”
+++
“It was When I Grow Up,” Nick answers immediately. “By The Pussycat Dolls. I could never forget that song, it’s so fuckin’ good.”
“And… the lyrics you fought over…?” Sue asks warily.
“Okay, so,” Nick starts, getting serious for whatever reason, “There’s this one line, right?”
“Okay.”
“It goes, when I grow up, I wanna be famous, I wanna be a star, I wanna have boobies,” Nick explains, stressing the last word. “But Brandon insisted the lyric was groupies.” He scoffs and rolls his eyes. “I’m pretty fucking smart, y’know. I think I would’ve been able to tell if they were saying groupies.”
“Hmm…” Sue mumbles, looking at the lyrics they had searched up. “Nick, I may have some bad news for you.”
Nick blinks. “Huh.”
+++
“Was there anything… positive about your relationship?” Sue asks, a little worried there was nothing good that came from this.
“Oh, sure,” Brandon smiles. “We were always up under each other. He was annoying as hell to be around, but he was a good cuddler.” Brandon hums. “Though, admittedly, we were at our best when we were doing something together.”
“Elaborate.”
“Like playing games and stuff,” Brandon answers. “As long as they weren’t competitive.” He shivers. “We learned that one the hard way playing Brawl together.”
“What happened?”
“Oh, we fought like two bulls who were painted red.”
Sue blinks. “Y-you…?”
“We beat the hell out of each other,” Brandon clarifies. “It wasn’t until both of us could taste blood that we stopped.”
+++
“I mean,” Nick hums, “We had our good moments. But then there was that one time we almost killed each other after playing Smash.”
Sue adds this fact to the middle part of their steadily growing venn diagram. “Would you care to explain further?” they ask.
“Not much to it,” Nick shrugs. “I lost and got angry. I just wanted to punch him lightly, but it was way harder than that. And so he hit me back even harder. And it just kept going until there was blood spilling outta our mouths.” He laughs. “I got my ass beat, though.”
“You call that a positive part of your relationship?” Sue asks, seriously starting to worry. “Please say no.”
“Oh hell no,” Nick reassures. “That was one of our lower points, TBH.”
“Alright,” Sue says, “So… positive…?” They had enough negatives. They wanted the whole picture.
“Oh, right.”
+++
“Would you believe me if I told you we used to stargaze?” Brandon chuckles.
“In New York City?” Sue asks, incredulous. The smog and clouds would block even the moon on a good day, let alone the stars.
“Not outside,” Brandon corrects. “We would open the window and let the fall air in and use one of those realistic projectors at Nick’s house. He slept with it on all the time apparently, so he already loved it. And, I don’t know. It was calming. Being around Nick when he was soft and vulnerable… It was nice.”
+++
“Things were best when we were both just… quiet, I guess,” Nick says. He sounds nostalgic almost. “Watching movies… going to Coney Island that one time… just bumming around my house… I don’t know.” Nick sighs, looking away. “Can we change the topic?”
Sue blinks. They didn’t expect him to become all shy all of a sudden. But they weren’t in the business of making people uncomfortable, so they respected the request.
+++
“How long did the relationship last?”
“Like four months,” Brandon sighs.
“Really?” Sue blinks.
“Yeah.”
+++
“Oh, like seven months, give or take,” Nick says. “I think? I don’t know. I’m not good at time.”
“...” Sue pulls their lip into a thin line.
Somebody wasn’t remembering things right, and they doubted it was Brandon.
+++
“I guess I only have the one last question then,” Sue says.
“For real?” Brandon asks, raising an eyebrow. “I thought you’d have a whole list of things to ask.”
“I thought I’d keep things simple,” Sue says simply.
“Alright then. Hit me.”
“How did the relationship end?”
Brandon sucks his teeth. “Damn.”
“What?” Sue asks.
“I knew you were gonna ask that.” He looks off to the side. “I was just hoping you wouldn’t.”
“Does it hurt to recount?” Sue asks seriously. “I don’t want you to get upset over this interview.”
+++
“Nah,” Nick waves off. “Just sucks ass the way it ended.”
“Go on, then,” Sue prompts, readying their hands on their keyboard.
Nick sighs heavily. “So, it’s like this…”
+++
“I was sick,” Brandon recounts. “I mean like, sick sick. I could barely pick my head up.”
“Okay.”
“And Nick…” Brandon pauses, pushing his hands through his hair. “God. Nick. He was… He was just…”
+++
“I was an asshole about it,” Nick admits. “I kept making fun of the fact he was so sick and how he’d never be able to do anything ever again.”
“...Why…?” Sue asks, completely unable to understand the thought process.
“I thought it was funny!” Nick defends, then sighs with a small chuckle. “But I guess it wasn’t so funny to Brandy.”
+++
“I thought I was going to die, Sue,” Brandon mumbles. “I really and truly thought this was it for me. And you know me. When I get scared over something I just…”
“Shut down?” Sue supplies.
“More or less,” Brandon shrugs. “But like… ugh. Fuck.” Brandon rubs his eyes. “I was so mad.”
+++
“He was so mad,” Nick mutters. “I don’t think I’d ever seen him so mad. Even when we were beating the fuck out of each other he was never that mad.”
+++
“He kept saying you’re gonna die! You’re gonna die!” Brandon continues. “And I was so, so scared. So I…” Brandon gulps uneasily. “I…”
+++
“He told me he’d fucking kill me if I didn’t leave his house immediately,” Nick says like it was nothing. “And I was like, what? No. I’m not leaving, you’re sick. And he was like, you want me to die! You want me to die!”
+++
“I wanted him to leave,” is all Brandon ends up saying. “I wanted him to leave really badly.”
“Did you… do something to make him leave?” Sue asks, curious.
Brandon looks away. “I… had some choice words for him.”
+++
“And so I was like, no I don't!” Nick continues. “And he was like, yes you do! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you if you don’t leave right the fuck now!”
Sue looks at Nick, shellshocked. They knew Brandon was prone to lashing out when he felt cornered or threatened, but…
Sue does not type out what Nick says. It was probably better that it stayed between the three of them.
+++
“So that was it?” the younger teen asks. “That one last fight and it was over?”
“Basically,” Brandon shrugs. “He left. He didn’t call later. And when I went back to school a couple days later, we didn’t even look at each other.”
+++
“I mean, it’s not like we can’t be civil or whatever nowadays,” Nick says, “But I doubt we’ll ever be friends again. Which is like, whatever.” He looks down, a small frown on his face. “But…” he mumbles, “I can’t say I don’t miss him sometimes.”
+++
“It was better that we ended it sooner rather than later,” Brandon sighs. “It would’ve just gotten worse from then on, honestly.”
“Do you ever miss him?”
“...You said the last question was it,” Brandon says, very obviously dodging the question.
“It’s a follow up,” Sue says easily.
“...”
“Brandon?”
“This was a cool interview and everything,” Brandon says, standing suddenly. “But I totally forgot I told Bart I’d meet up with him today. Can’t keep a brother waiting, y’know?”
“You can just say yes,” Sue states plainly.
“See you at school tomorrow, Sue,” Brandon says instead, walking off with a wave.
Sue sighs and readies their documents for the next questionee.
+++
“I think that’s it, then,” Sue says, pulling out their wallet. “The 20 we agreed on is no longer enough, I assume?”
“Eh,” Nick says, waving them off. “Keep your cash.”
Sue raises an eyebrow high into the air. “You, Nick Alice Lass, refusing money?” they ask.
“You’re gonna make me change my mind,” Nick deadpans.
Sue grins a bit before putting their wallet away. “Can I at least ask why?”
“It was nice going down memory lane, I guess,” Nick shrugs.
“Is that so?”
“Yeah,” Nick says. “It was. So like, am I free to go now, officer?”
“Call me a cop again and you’ll regret it,” Sue smiles gingerly.
“Alllright! I’m outta here!” Nick laughs, standing. “See ya, Sue.”
Sue waves him off. “Bye, Nick.”
+++
Sue sits at their desk later that night, going over the notes they gathered during the interviews. Ultimately, this was knowledge for them and them alone, so organizing it was just something they did because they liked to do it.
Still…
What an insight into the worlds of Brandon and Nick.
All in all, Sue only had one way to describe the whole thing.
It was, surprisingly, hilariously sad.