Notes: chapter 59 of aaiysa from quinn’s perspective!
WC: 1,748
It is over an hour past when Paige said he’d be home. Quinn sits in front of her phone at the kitchen table, trying and barely succeeding at not freaking out. She trusts that if something were wrong, Paige would call her. There was no reason for her to panic.
…But what if something really bad had happened, leaving him unable to call her? Oh, goodness…
No, no. She shakes her head. There was no proof of that. No jumping to conclusions. Even if she was getting more anxious by the second, she—
There’s a knock at the door. Quinn shoots up and fails not to rush her way to open it.
“Oh, Paige!!” she cries, hugging him immediately. Swiftly she ushers in both him and Kevin, finally able to feel a little relief. Thank god everything was alright.
It doesn’t take long for that notion to be disproved, however.
She offers the two teens food and drink, Kevin shatters any semblance of calm she had.
Alcohol, she thinks to herself, a flood of emotions overtaking her. Paige had alcohol. Oh god, please, please—
“Paige,” she breathes, trying not to show her rising panic, “are you alright, sweetie?”
He startles a bit before answering. “I-I don’t know,” he mumbles, voice scratchy. “I didn’t know I was drinking anything weird. I wasn’t really paying attention.”
After another breath Quinn decides then and there that her son won’t be going to any more of Kevin’s parties. She expected them to get a little wild, but the majority of them were only 16, weren’t they? She really didn’t think they’d find some way to get alcohol.
“That’s fair,” Kevin says, cringing. “Will… will he be okay?”
And then, seemingly out of nowhere, Paige explodes. He shouts about being babied, being treated like he’s invisible and feeling like others think he’s just stupid. And it absolutely breaks Quinn’s heart. She had no idea Paige felt like that. So much so that he was swearing. She doesn’t think she’s ever heard Paige swear before.
Kevin is quick to abscond after that, leaving Quinn and her son alone in the kitchen. Quinn sits down from where she was hovering over Paige and asks him to explain what happened. He struggles, repeating the same couple of words until…
“I’m not Paige, Mom.”
Quinn blinks and scrunches her face in confusion. What did that mean?? Like, seriously, what in the world did that mean??? She’s reigning in her emotions so as to not make anything worse for her child but…
What???
She takes a deep breath before cupping Paige’s(?) hands in hers. “Is this about you drinking?” she tries, hoping that’s what he means. “You’ll always be my little book of Paiges sweetie, alcohol or not, okay?”
Paige shakes his head. “You…” he falters, sighing. “You have to just, listen to me, okay?” Quinn nods hesitantly, and Paige breathes in deeply. “You remember Mack,” he says suddenly, catching his mother completely off guard.
“Yes,” she says, “I do.”
“Sorry,” Paige apologizes, “But it’s important to the story.” Then, after rearranging their hands so that they’re both holding one another, he explains. He explains and Quinn sits there and listens and doesn’t question further than the name of whoever Paige thinks he is right now.
It’s Leaf. And Leaf is sorry.
“...Sorry?” Quinn asks, unsure of what he could be apologizing for.
Leaf elaborates. The fight at school, the subsequent hospital visit, and accordingly the reason he drank tonight… It was all because of Leaf. He goes on to apologize for the shouting and swearing he just did too, before looking away. "I know you’re probably sick of this sorry excuse for a bodyguard taking over your son. I’m really sorry. I can… I can go away now if you want,” he says, sounding so guilty and upset it’s hurting Quinn just to hear it.
She was confused of course, her son just told her he was two different people basically. (Was it like that one thing, multiple personality disorder? she wonders quietly to herself.) But it didn’t entirely matter right now. All she knew is that she had to be here for her child. (Children?)
She shakes her head a bit before holding Leaf’s hands in hers again. “Sweetie,” she says, voice watery with emotion, “You helped my Paige?”
Leaf looks mildly confused as he nods. “I made things a lot worse for him than any good, though,” he murmurs.
Quinn shakes her head. “You’re both here right now, aren’t you?” Leaf nods, and Quinn smiles. “Then you’ve helped plenty.”
There’s a pause, and then, “B-but I–” Leaf warbles, only for Quinn to cut him off with another shake of the head.
“Everyone makes mistakes, sweetie. And if you helped Paige make it here, then I’m beyond grateful.” She squeezes his hands gently, thinking. She didn’t really know entirely what she was doing, but… “You called me Mom earlier… Is that how you see me? As your mother?”
Leaf takes a moment to reply, seemingly unable to speak. So instead, he just nods. Quinn doesn’t miss the way his tears are starting to fall down his cheeks.
Pushing her worry aside for just a moment, Quinn’s smile evens out. “Then I’m more than happy to call you my child, Leaf.”
Leaf is crying in earnest now. “Y-y-you don’t—don’t hate m-me?” he questions, having a difficult time getting it out. “Even after—after everything I’ve…?”
Quinn hums quietly. “We’ll have to talk about it,” she says lightly, “But no, I don’t hate you.” She’s having to fight back her own tears now. “How could I ever hate either of my children?”
Leaf leaps up then, chair scraping noisily on the wooden floor. Before Quinn can even blink he’s moved, now sobbing in her neck.
“Mommm…!!” he wails. “You… You see me! You really—really, really see me!!”
Her arms come around to hold Leaf and rock him, quietly shushing him. “I see you, sweetie.” She thinks quickly for something to call him, and smiles when something comes to her. “My little pile of Leafs.”
Quietly Quinn stays like that, just letting Leaf get it all out. She’s patient, waiting until he’s doing little more than sniffling. “You’ve had a long day,” she says gently. “Do you two want to go to bed?”
Leaf nods, looking beyond tired. Quinn doesn’t blame him. Carefully she helps him up to his room and into his bed. “Do you want Teds?” she asks, picking him up from his spot on the small chest at the head of the bed. “I can warm him up if you like him like that too.”
A fond look crosses Leaf’s face. “Can you…? Please?”
Emotions tug at Quinn’s heart. Even as Leaf, Paige was so sweet. “Of course, sweetie,” she nods, “I’ll be right back, okay?” She gives him a quick peck on the forehead before leaving and going back downstairs.
Once in the kitchen, she wipes out the microwave absently before popping in Teds and starting it up.
“Leaf…” she mumbles to herself, watching the stuffed bear spin around on the plate, “You called yourself a bodyguard…” She sighs, crossing her arms in thought. “I don’t really understand, but… If it is anything like multiple personalities then…”
Her voice drops and she continues in her head instead. “Doesn’t that only happen to people who have experienced extreme trauma? I thought I was doing a good enough job at keeping Paige away from that man but… If I didn’t…”
Tears spring to her eyes, but she wipes them away. The microwave beeps a second after, and she decides to focus on delivering Paige’s—Leaf’s—both…? Quinn shakes her head. It was hard to think about. She grabs the bear out of the microwave and hugs it to her chest for a moment. Both because this is what she always did, but also to find a bit of comfort herself.
Another heavy sigh leaves her. Mack was only one part of the puzzle. If he was at fault, then so was she. She could’ve left him. She could’ve stayed over with Min more. She could’ve done something. Anything to have saved Paige from spitting into two. But she didn’t.
She didn’t.
…She needs to stop moping. Her son needs his bear right now. She’d worry about this more later.
Returning to Paige’s room, Quinn knocks on the door before coming in. “I’m back, sweetie. Here’s Teds.” She hands the warmed up bear to her son, sitting down on the bed. “How are you…” She slips and almost says Paige, but catches herself. “...Leaf?”
The boy sighs almost as hard as Quinn had just a moment ago. “Been better,” he mumbles. “Really tired.”
“Understandably,” Quinn chuckles. “You get some rest, okay?” She places a hand on his cheek and rubs her thumb across it. “We’ll talk more tomorrow.” She bends over and kisses Leaf on the forehead again. “Night, night, sweetie.”
Leaf gives the smallest smile. “Night, Mom.”
With that, Quinn gives a small wave before leaving. She closes the door gingerly behind her.
Holding the doorknob, she gently places her head against the door and exhales. Okay. Okay. This was going to be a lot. Paige had been going through hell recently, and it was probably the reason Leaf had suddenly made himself known again.
Oh god. Oh god.
She finally walks away, heading to her own room. She sits down on her bed before flopping back, trying to control her breathing.
Was she a bad mother after all? She’d had this worry for Paige’s whole life, but after things had stabilized after Mack died, she thought she was doing good! Things were good! So was this just the winds of fate making everything suddenly bad, or, at the end of the day, was everything just a product of her awful parenting?
She turns and stuffs her face in one of her pillows. This was awful. She had to find a way to make this up to Paige. And Leaf. She may be confused and scared and worried, but maybe when they explained things more tomorrow things would start to make more sense. She could start to mend her failings as a mother. She could really be there for the both of them.
Okay.
Inhale. Hold. Exhale.
Once more.
And one last time.
Okay. Tomorrow. Quinn was going to keep herself together until she understood everything and knew exactly what was happening.
She was going to be a good mom.